I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
