I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
