Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
