Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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