I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
