if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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