idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you had me at cake vodka
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
