dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
