the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
