I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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