Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
