chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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