you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
