she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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