I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
