Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
