Life is so much better after having sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
