Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
