I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
