just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
