hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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