Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
