my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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