Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
