shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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