Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
