you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
