when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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