just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
