I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
