I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
