Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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