Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize