my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i will never coherently bang her
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
