I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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