therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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