you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize