if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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