Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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