I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
