it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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