? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
