new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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