As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Randomize