I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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