I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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