I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
