i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
