You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
