Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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