whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
