His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
