I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
