I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
