If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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