Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
