She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
