Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
