id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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