Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
