yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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