I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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