His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
