Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
