I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
