So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
