worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
