Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize