So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
