your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
