Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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