You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
