All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
