I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
