I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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