that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
