OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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