...so i touched it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
