she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
