Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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