hotel room ftw
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
