we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
